I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
