I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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