your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
