I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
