Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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