Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
