I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
