Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
