Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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