it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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