she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
