She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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