Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
