So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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