remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
