I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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