My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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