my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize