im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
