What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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