I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
