had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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