i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
