Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need a beard to bite.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
