is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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