Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
