Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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