It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
