well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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