On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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