I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
