your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
