Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
