could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
