What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
