Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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