What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
