Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
