Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize