why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
either way he was missing a nipple.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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