Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
