the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
