I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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