You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
