SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
