he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
