I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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