Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
