Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
