No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
