I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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