update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
