i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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