he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
