I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
