i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
