I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
