And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
