How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my being single is dangerous.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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