we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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