I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
