Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
