so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
