She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
