I must be too annoying 4 u.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
