I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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