it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
