Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
