She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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