I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
