I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
