take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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