Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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